"Do they get fussy if they don't have dinner right on time?"

There are times when I feel like we are the only people who actually care about our kids.

They are a brother and sister. Let's call them Jacob and Sophia.

They're 5 and 4 years old. Every night we have dinner at 5:30 p.m. and the kids are in bed by 7 p.m. Even so, I have to wake up Jacob in the morning for school. We've been thinking about setting an earlier bedtime, but the various things foster care throws at us makes it hard to even manage 7 p.m.

Today's example: Bio Mom wanted to take Jacob to get a haircut. He is biracial and has thick, curly hair that becomes uncomfortably hot in the summer. We normally drive the kids to appointments, but Bio Mom wanted "special one-on-one time" with Jacob. So she asked our family specialist to drive him to her, about a 30-minute trip, pick her up, take everyone to the haircut, and then drive everyone back. Family Specialist agreed to do it Thursday (which is today).

But she never told anyone WHEN she would pick up Jacob. After our umpteenth call and email, she finally responded with: I have training all day! I'd need my supervisor's permission! I can't do it today!

We explained that Jacob knew about the appointment, that we'd taken his hair out of braids in preparation for it, and that he'd be deeply disappointed if it were canceled. (And, by the by, who on earth is the bio mom going to, if she didn't have to make an actual appointment for the haircut?)

 Then the family specialist called Bio Mom, who said that her daughter (whom I will call Sophia) had a temper tantrum yesterday at their visit because she would not be getting her hair cut. So Bio Mom wants to take both kids.

Okay, fine. When???

Family Specialist decided she would pick them up at 4:30 p.m.

...
 
My wife: "What are you going to do about dinner? We normally eat at 5:30."

Family Specialist: "Do they get fussy if they don't have dinner right on time?"

My wife somehow managed to be civil, but the gist was this: If you leave here at 4:30, you will get to Bio Mom at 5 p.m. AT BEST and then to the haircut by, let's hope, 5:15 p.m. Two kids' haircuts. Dare we hope they finish by 6:15 p.m.? And then she must drop off Bio Mom, peel the kids off of her, and then bring the kids home. I'll be stunned if they're home by 7 p.m., and never mind that we start the bedtime routine at 6:30 so that they're actually IN BED at 7 p.m.

And she thinks arriving here at 7 p.m. just means they'll have dinner a little late?

So much for the dinner I had planned (and already made) for tonight. We're sending them with a packed dinner. And when they get home, I'll just manage them as best I can.

Most people know not to screw up kids' schedules, ESPECIALLY on school nights. And tomorrow is a particularly stressful day for them -- so let's start out with tired kids!

This is, in fact, the FOURTH TIME in two weeks that the system has forced us to get the kids to bed late on a school night. It's infuriating. But there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing at all.

Oh, and just to make things even more fun -- tonight we were going to pack for their weekend away. Now I'll have to pack for them, which I'm sure won't cause ANY meltdowns at all. Yeaaaah.

In many ways, we are treated like babysitters by the system. This is one of those days.