I'm thinking a lot about the kids today.
This last weekend, two years ago, they came to live with us.
My "Facebook Memories" is full of stories about them...lighthearted stories, happy stories.
They are back with their mom now, which I think is really good. I've thought about it a lot - abuse vs. foster care - and I've decided neglect is not as bad as foster care.
I know that sounds harsh. But the children's bond with their mother -- as with all children -- was so strong. The separation was devastating. And while they endured very, very bad things in their home, none of them were direct actions of their mom. It was her inaction, likely partly her exhaustion from caring for three special-needs kids while also having special needs of her own.
Foster care is just not working for kids. If you look at the statistics, foster kids do worse than even children who drop out of school and teen mothers. The outcomes just aren't great.
They are more likely to go to jail. They are less likely to ever get a high school diploma. They are less likely to get a job. They are more likely to live their life on welfare. They are less likely to be in a stable relationship. They are more likely to abuse drugs.
They are just not succeeding at life as much as every other kid.
Now, that doesn't mean kids facing physical or sexual abuse should be returned to their abusers. But most kids in the system are there because of neglect. There aren't any statistics (that I can find) comparing foster kids to neglected kids who grow up with a parent. So I can't say for sure that going home is good.
But I can say, for sure, that growing up in the foster care system is NOT good for kids. And I can say their mom loves them, and she was trying really, really hard.
So I'm really, really hoping that those beautiful, creative children are going to be okay.
I just wish I could be a resource for them. I wish she would reach out to me! She needs help. She can't raise three special needs kids alone. But she pushes away all help, and having her kids taken away for a year definitely didn't help with that. She doesn't trust anybody now.
I would love to see them again.
