Facebook Memories is now reminding me, every day, of my time with the kids two years ago. And looking at it has forced me to come to a couple realizations.
1. Things were bad from the start. I've been wondering for quite some time now whether medication caused him to get worse -- now I see he had the same behaviors prior to the medication, which did seem to reduce his anxiety (but nothing else).
2. Now that I look back at it from this remove, it sure looks like "Jacob" was actually suicidal.
From the start, he was:
opening the car door at high speed and taking off his seat belt (which I thought then was an act of defiance, and which I stopped by using child locks and then stopped thinking about because it stopped happening)
going to high areas and contemplating jumping (a stone wall at the eye doctor's, a cliff on a school trip, his second story bedroom window)
running into traffic
This started before he was on any medication.
Add that to the reports we got about how he'd repeatedly jumped into a pond after running away from home before entering foster care, and had to be rescued and possibly resuscitated (reports were confused on this) by neighbors, and you have to wonder if all his behavior was intended to be self-punishing.
This is the sort of realization that could have really helped his counselors, if I'd had it two years ago.
Ah well. He's home now, and I just have to keep hoping he's going to be OK.
