Do not administer the first dose

Our foster son has been having difficulty with what appears to be severe anxiety.

Here is how "the system" cares for him:

Ten weeks ago, his counselor (whom he'd seen twice) said he'd need a psychologist. She then REFUSED TO SEE HIM ANYMORE.

However, his biological mother refused to sign paperwork to let him see a psychologist.

So, the court-order counseling was ignored.

We took him to his pediatrician, but his biological mother can also attend all appointments and she came. She refuted the things we said we'd seen, blamed it all on us, the foster care system, and DSS, and refused to disclose any information about what he had been like prior to foster care.

The pediatrician, faced with all this, said that the boy probably had a "mood disorder" and referred him to a psychiatrist. He also, helpfully, gave the biological mother information on how to help him...but didn't give the packet of info to us.

She refused to sign papers to let him see a psychiatrist.

But the pediatrician had prescribed two meds, which she did approve, so we gave him those. They did nothing (except, arguably, make him worse).

Today was the follow-up appointment, one month later. Biological mom had somehow forgotten about this appointment. No one was there but me. I had a calm, frank conversation with the doctor about what we're seeing and what the DSS deposition we just got says happened to him at home, and gave him a note that we got from summer camp regarding what they're seeing.

He said the child clearly needs counseling for PTSD and abuse. (Duh!) He also said that until we can get counseling for him and see progress with it, we should treat his anxiety with a new medication, getting rid of the one that isn't working. He said he'd give me the packet of info on how to help him at home, too.

EXCELLENT. Now we are communicating and getting somewhere.

My wife called our agency, as always, to inform them of the change in medication. Their response: Do not administer the first dose until biological mother says it's OK.

It is this sort of thing that makes people want to give up on foster parenting. I went to the doctor she wanted -- which is more than an hour away, each way -- and I explained, to this licensed doctor, the very serious things going on. He came up with a potential solution. Now we have to wait and see if the mom will approve it? Is she a doctor?

And what about the medicine that might be creating such bad side effects? Should we NOT discontinue it, even though the doctor said to stop giving it to him?

Who is in charge here? It's certainly not us! And this is what drives me mad -- this powerlessness. I watch a child so destroyed by fear that he can't sleep, can't enjoy any separation from me, can't avoid punishment at school or home when he is nervous or worried about a new situation. I'm supposed to just watch him suffer. It's the worst torture I have ever endured.