Temporary Children

The night before Jacob and Sophia moved in, I called my cousin (who has children of the same age as Jacob and Sophia) to ask her an urgent question.

What did she pack in their lunches?

Her answer included the advice that I label the children's lunch box containers. She uses pre-printed labels that don't come off in the dishwasher but she recommended I simply use tape and magic markers.

"I have labels because I have permanent children," she said. "You have temporary children."

Her point was that I might want to use those containers for some other child in the future. But I've come to realize that, to DSS, our children are so temporary that they wouldn't even bother with containers. Why not just use plastic bags? It's not like they'll need it for long.

When the children arrived, we were told they would be with us only six weeks, until the next parental hearing.

The April court date came and went with an extension to July. But, we were told, they would DEFINITELY be going home then.

Nope. Another three weeks, we were told. If not that, then they'd be absolutely going home in December.

This is the reality of the foster system, and I understand that it has to be that way, as DSS waits for the bio parents to sort themselves out.

The trouble comes when people begin to believe that each date really is when their responsibility will end.

Suppose you're babysitting your friend's child tonight. If the child puts up a fuss about eating vegetables, would you really fight it? I think you'd be likely to think, "It won't hurt them to skip veggies, just this once."

If you're taking care of a 4-year-old for a few hours, would you practice the alphabet and counting to prepare her to start kindergarten a year from now?

If a child with problem behavior is just going to be with you for a short time, would you bother getting training, reading books, arguing with DSS for treatment, and otherwise trying to find solutions? Or would you just endure, waiting it out?

Let's be honest. You would just endure. It's not going to be very long, after all.

This is the danger of being a temporary child.

We have tried very hard not to treat Jacob and Sophia like temporary children. But DSS has continually delayed Jacob's much-needed medical treatments because he's so temporary.

"It can wait; he'll be going home soon," is the constant refrain.

Well, it's been six months now. A LOT could be accomplished in that time, medically. But only for permanent children.