Jacob was sent home early from summer camp again today, this time for throwing rocks at the camp counselors. Miraculously, they will let him return tomorrow.
Yesterday, he took off his seatbelt and opened the car door while my wife was driving down the street. (It was in the new car that we'd just gotten -- I'd forgotten to engage the child locks, since it had been so long since he'd tried something like that. Apparently the lock was all that was keeping him from doing it.)
They are hopefully meeting the new family this weekend, at some point. Then they will go to that family next Wednesday for Labor Day weekend, while we go on our annual trip. No word yet on whether the plan is to have them move out at that time or come back and slowly move into the new home. Why no word? Because Bio Mom is losing her mind.
She announced yesterday that she wants us to not tell the kids, and just drop them off at next Wednesday's visit with a couple bags. Then, she'll introduce them to the new family at the visit, tell the kids she's decided they will live with the new family, and pack them off with no chance to have said goodbye to us first.
She also vowed to never let us see the kids again. She does have the right to decide that, although I think that's bullshit. While they're in foster care, their foster family should be able to decide who they interact with -- she shouldn't get to choose. Anyway, we plan to get around that by giving our friends' phone numbers to the new family, so the kids can pass messages if they want.
This whole thing is just such utter bullshit. Foster parents are expected to partner with bio parents, and even if they adopt the children, they're expected to maintain connections with the child's bio family. But bio parents are under no such expectations.
Anyway, I must admit I had assumed, based on bio mom's behavior with the kids' last foster mom, whom she declared they could never see again, that we would also be banned. But my wife is devastated.
Bio mom also told her that she would do her best to "erase" the kids' memories of us and of foster care. My wife was deeply hurt -- she's been making them a memory book. I was able to console her only by reminding her that it's very unlikely these kids are ever going back home.
We are making the memory book anyway, and giving it to the new family to take care of, add to, and pass on when the kids move.
Our agency, which has been ignoring our increasingly urgent calls on this issue, finally called my wife back and assured her that this whole no-goodbyes policy is not the agency's normal policy. DSS and our agency are now (finally!) planning the transition. Or at least saying they will plan it, which is progress of sorts.
These poor kids are trapped: surrounded by a mom who cannot think past her own emotions and caseworkers who are too overworked, incompetent or burned out to care.
I am so sorry to abandon them in that world. But I will be glad to escape it.
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