the deceptive leading the blind

Several months ago, we began a fight that eventually led to Jacob getting an appointment with a noted mental health professional, who would spend hours with him and eventually come up with a diagnosis and a treatment plan. The first day of evaluation is next week.

In preparation, we were asked to fill out a lengthy packet on Jacob, and the professional wants us to answer questions for about an hour at the appointment. He needs to know how Jacob behaves in the morning, at bedtime, at school/camp, when visiting new places, when visiting routine places, etc. In other words, he needs to know exactly what we've been seeing, these last six months.

So I asked DSS how I was to handle that appointment, given that we are to have no contact with Jacob's counselor.

His caseworker wrote back to say that it would be best if we did not attend or offer any information to the professional. Besides, she added, he might not even be in our care anymore next week.

I spent a good while writing things and deleting them before finally deciding to ask her to call the professional and explain the restrictions to him.

I added that we've said we're willing to take care of Jacob for the next three months, although we think it would be best for him to move before the school year starts, so that he doesn't have to switch schools. And our agency has not yet found a new family, so it seems likely he will still be in our care next week.

In the meantime, I would really like to get [Jacob] set up with professionals who can help him...I feel like he's shouting for help when he does the things that got him expelled from summer camp, landed him in in-school suspension for the last day of kindergarten and led to him being so out of control on a field trip that even a one-on-one chaperone couldn't rein him in. He is a curious, imaginative, delightful boy who desperately needs...something. Counseling, in my opinion, but I just don't think a counselor could be effective unless someone tells the counselor about his behavior.

This was as tactful as I could absolutely manage, after several tries. I did not say: letting his mother, who is in severe denial and who also LOST CUSTODY OF HER CHILDREN, tell the counselor what the problems are is ridiculous. She hasn't lived with him in months and claims that he would NEVER act like this at home, believes that he is just for some reason being driven insane in foster care, and believes he can't remember any of the abuse he endured because he was 2-4 years old. Also she refuses to tell anyone about the abuse, and has tried hard to train the children to never tell anyone.

So, what did the DSS caseworker say to my tactful email?

Her response, in its entirety: That sure makes sense!!!  Let me think about the information you shared and talk to [person I don't know].  I will get back to you….

I soooo wanted to write back, WHICH OF THE THINGS I SAID MAKES SENSE? 

She doesn't read emails, she just sort of scans them...she had no idea Jacob had been expelled last week, even though I'd emailed her about it. I have been trying to cut my emails shorter and shorter, but invariably she only responds to the last couple lines. Even if there's just two lines, she only responds to the second one.

So I am assuming she thinks it makes sense for counseling to be ineffective without information. But who knows, maybe she's referring to my first sentence, in which I asked her to call the professional. Or something in the middle.

So we're left with poor communication leading to confusion, as always. And as always, we're the only ones actually advocating for Jacob.