"Transition" plans

So, at long last we have a transition plan.

We gave them essentially unlimited time -- up to three months -- with encouragement to do the transition in the next six weeks so that it's done before the school year. But then they found a family that's in the same school district, so they still had plenty of time for transition.

Then they held meetings and discussed and came up with a plan (without us, of course).

Ready?

Here it is: in six days, the kids will move in with the new family.

That's it.

That's the transition plan they came up with, when given all our support and all the time in the world to put together something.

And THAT, in a nutshell, is what is  wrong with the system.

To be clear: DSS came up with this plan. I can't blame this on our (incompetent) agency or the bio mom. This one is the product of the system.

Now, we do have some things in place that will help the kids. Jacob is going to be babysat by the new family for the next week, because he was expelled from his summer camp. So that allows him to get to know them, at least. That's really good.

We've asked for permission for Sophia to spend a day there too. We have not gotten approval for that.

We also haven't yet been officially "allowed" to tell the kids. Frankly, I'm gonna tell them tomorrow night (Friday). That gives them the weekend to process the news, allows them to focus on the things they most want to do for their last weekend with us, and gives them the maximum amount of time in our presence after they're told. If I wait for permission, they're going to say we can tell them on Tuesday or something. The kids leave Wednesday.

Here's the plan I would've recommended, following basic child development and child attachment philosophies:
1. Do not do an abrupt "break." Have the children visit the new family slowly, over the course of six weeks.
2. Have them spend increasing amounts of time with the new family, starting with short visits, then all day, then an overnight, then a few days.
3. Once they "move in," have them slowly leave our home -- first come back for a weekend after 5 days there, then come back for an overnight after a week there, then come back for a daytime visit.
4. Continue contact through respite care.

This is, in fact, what many foster parents have developed on their own. But the system prefers quick and dirty, and never mind how many children it hurts.